Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
