i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
