you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
