I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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