I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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