After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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