I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
