3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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