I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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