just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
