Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
