I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Someone shit on the floor
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
