Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the day after is always just damage control
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
