Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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