He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
