if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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