I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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