I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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