This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
