Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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