god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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