Who wears a wallet chain?!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
