Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
