My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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