I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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