Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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