Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
smell my finger.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
