I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
