Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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