She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
