we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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