just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
