I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize