Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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