He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
