can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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