It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
