She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
