I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
