i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
