So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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