I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
