Screwed.edu
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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