I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
