There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
