Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
