Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
