o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
