she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
