she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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