I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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