Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
