I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
