u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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