Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bring me that man meat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
