Porn is love you can see.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize