he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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