Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
