And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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