he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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