So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
