There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Damn victory sex feels great
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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