I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I deserve this hangover.
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