you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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