i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
