I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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