You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
