your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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