I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
