Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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