i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
