he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
