Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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