Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
