I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
