What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
