we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
