So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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