So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
