Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
