i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
